"Give me real, don't give me fake."

There is nothing i hate more then fake people.

You know when you see some one and they just seem like they are creating this kind of persona that isn't themselves. I find it happens alot with people who aren't really good looking or something. It's like they think they need to compensate.

There is this one girl i know through a friend, and she is like, well large. I always see her and watch the things she does, and it kind of seems like she is just doing these things to come off as something or trying to compensate her looks with a personality. Like she is trying to act weird and edgey so that people think her inner beauty is great. And it works, there are a few people who think she is great, like follow her and love her for being this type of person. But all i see is a fake person, like she isn't really like that inside. And all i see is more layers you have to disect before you find her.

But i also admire this same girl, she always seems happy. She seems like she is contempt with the way she looks, she has accepted that she is different and instead of walking around feeling sorry for herself she stays resiliant to everything. But i also look at her and wonder if she actually deals with all the critisizm or absorbs it all and then bottles it up, waiting for one final time when she is gonna let it all out.

hopefully i am wrong, and she is actually cool and edgey, but if she does just put it on, like a big show she is a character in, i think she'll soon realise that people will like her for who ever she is, and that she her real self is greater than this person she created.

"Give me real, don't give me fake." Chris Martin Coldplay

Any Ink Will Do.

Don't you hate it when people make massive decisions and don't really think it through? You know like i think i'm gonna shave my head, and then they just end up regretting it until it grows back. Or the worst example is when they go to a tatoo parlor and the artist says "which colour ink do you want?" and they say "uuuummm any ink will do."

But the context i am talking more about is when it puts some one else's health or well being in jeopardy. They don't think about it at all, just do it. And when they finally come around to thinking about it they cross their arms and say; "Well i can't please every one all of the time." But in actual fact they are pleasing no one, just trying to make an excuse for hurting you.

Its worse when the person does something like this, and then never appologises for hurting your feelings, just comes up with something like; "Its not my fault." Not the slightest bit of sympathy, and they can't even spell empathy.

The fact of the matter is, it hurts. It doesn't matter what you say, or whether it was your fault or not, just say sorry. It will make both of us feel that tiny bit better.

How does your voice sound when every one else stops talking?

What makes a person hip or square? Its very rare to see some one be loved by all groups in society, but i guess thats it isn't it? Even though i feel as if i never fit in any where, i guess i'm just hanging out with the wrong people. But is it really that?

The other day i was at tafe and a mate of mine and I walked into the student lesure center to try and find a pool table to play at, in there were a large group of relitively large males. All of them with their own "contacts" and people they could call up to get them to beat you to a pulp. Now all we did was look around at the pool tables, quickly assessed whether there would be any free tables soon or not, and then left. Through this groups eyes, they saw us walk in, stare down one of their mates, watch him take a shot, and then walk out. I don't know how this threatened them but it did. I was later informed that these guys were almost ready to chase us out of the leisure centre with the pull cues and hit us until our insides hurt. I beleive this was a strong case of judgement. Now i'm not the buffest or the most built guy out, and my hair is long and i often wear bright clothes and band shirts, i think they saw me as an easy target, you know? Some one to make an example out of. Because i was in the minority.

Another day i was at tafe, standing outside having a cigarette by myself, and i noticed three guys on the balcony above where i was standing. I just stood there and kept to myself, quietly smoked, and then all three of them began to make fun of me, at first i ignored it. Then after a while i looked at them, and they didn't say a word. I looked away, and then they hid from my sight, and continued to make fun of. I again think this was because of my appearance, and because i was in the minority.

Why is it their right to make a judgement on me from my apearance? Don't judge me. I would rather they accepted what i look like and shrugg it off, then them judge me and then make fun of me. Even if they wanna judge me, just don't tell me what you think, just leave it. I mean through my eyes i see them as people with no sense of direction, they just follow the herd. They don't make their own choices, they just copy some other person, which they think is cool.

The punch line to this all is i have a friend who attends the same tafe as me, and he is friends with all these people. As soon as they knew that, they all backed off and let me be.

It just anoyes me. get off your high horse, stop hiding behind some one else, and show me who you really are. Show me what you love, show me what you hate, show me your truth. Show me how your voice sounds when every one else stops talking.

Turning over a new leaf.

Its always difficult when you turn over a new leaf or enter a new chapter in your life and nobody bothers to recognize it. Even if its a simple matter like; my favorite chocolate is now bounty. It creates alot of angst that every body just shruggs it off, doesn't take any time to appreciate your new turning point.

Because every new road you turn down creates a different destination at the end, each and every dicision you make creates a new person that wasn't you before. Like creating this blog.

If the people you really care about don't apreciate these changes, it's hard to keep on making dramatic choices.